Things my Facebook Status will never say

Ok, so one night, after being totally disaffected with Facebook and the guilt associated with it, I composed a list of things that will never appear on my Facebook status.
Here they are:

What a beautiful fall day! The kids and I are going to collect leaves! Hooray!

15 years and counting of the best freaking marriage ever. I love my honey bunny more each and every day J Thanks for all the flowers today! He sent me all my favorites!

I only ran 15 miles today but I feel freaking awesome! 2 more weeks to the marathon!

Camping in the rain and having the most incredible time playing board games with my 6 kids!

Just finished re decorating my family room and now Better Homes and Gardens wants to feature it in their magazine!

I feel so great today, nothing can stop me! Yay life!

Just sat next to James Franco on the flight to New York for business where I am the featured speaker! We’re having dinner later!  Love flying first class!

I just made my second million and I’m trying to figure out what to do with it all! And I’m in Hawaii! And I’m super tan and super hot and I’ve had 6 kids! I miss them so much I’m going to cut my trip short!

I quit drinking pop and lost those last 30 pounds! Back to a size 2!

Just finished canning 150 jars of peaches! Here I come apples! And my 6 kids helped me all along the way after they finished cleaning the entire house! They’re so cute! They sang the whole time!

Pregnant with number 7! We’re just so thrilled! Although the doctor is concerned I’m not gaining enough weight L

I’m so freaking happy! That fireside was the best! Ps they asked me to be the keynote speaker at the next one.

It is such a delight to have a teenager! She’s my best friend and totally respects me too!

My husband and I just finished reading the best book, TOGETHER!

Just back from Maui and getting ready for my “business” trip to Grand Cayman. Wow I’m tired after that flight! And I sat next to Michael Jackson and taught him about the gospel! His baptism is set for next week!

That 5 am hike was so refreshing! I’m so ready for the awesome day ahead!

I’ve decided to homeschool my kids because I miss them too much and I’m not impressed with the public school system. My kids need more of a challenge because they’re so smart.

When I woke up this morning my husband sent me to get a massage and see a movie while he and the kids cleaned the entire house! And for no special occasion, just because they love me!

Did I mention I'm a cynic?